For your holiday entertainment, I have compiled some of my favorite Engineering jokes with a riddle thrown in just to keep it interesting.
The riddle of eight eights
How can you get 1,000 by adding together eight 8s? (answer at the bottom)
A man was crossing the street one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful woman.” The man bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful woman, I will stay with you for one week.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a woman, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful woman, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The man said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
Half Full or Half Empty?
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Full of Hot Air Balloon
A guy in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet about the ground. You are between 42 and 44 degrees north latitude and between 83 and 85 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the man, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”
The man below responded, “You must be a manager.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “how did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
Engineers & Lawyers on a Train
A group of engineers and lawyers were taking the train to see a client in the city. Each of the lawyers had a train ticket, but it became clear that the engineers had only ONE ticket amongst them. The lawyers started laughing and snickering, but the engineers just smiled.
When one of the engineers said “Here comes the conductor”, all of the engineers went into the bathroom. The lawyers were puzzled. The conductor came aboard, said “tickets please” and collected tickets from all the lawyers. He then went to the bathroom, knocked on the door and said “ticket please” and the engineers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and left, and the engineers came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. The lawyers were mad that a bunch of engineers outsmarted them.
So, on the way back from the client, the lawyers had one ticket for themselves. They started snickering at the engineers, for this time they had NO tickets amongst them.
When the engineer lookout said “Conductor coming!”, all the engineers went to one bathroom. All the lawyers went to another bathroom. Just before the conductor came on board, one of the engineers left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said “ticket please.”
888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 =1,000
(the key to this riddle is realizing that the first column must add up to 0)